While I was washing my hands at work, I looked up at the mirror and had a strange moment of dissociation from self. I could see myself in the mirror, standing oddly still, hand raised to dry it off but unmoving save for the slight movements as I maintained my balance. As I took a deep breath in and out, I was intensely aware of myself, the feeling of the muscles in my chest as I inhaled and exhaled and the sensation of my shirt against my skin, but the person in the mirror just didn't look real. The moment passed and I returned to my desk and started working again, but the feeling of oddness stuck with me. My jaw and throat felt oddly tight and constricted and I found myself very aware of my breathing, slow and deep to counteract the tightness in my throat with that queer feeling of not getting enough oxygen. My vision had an odd sensation of bloom to it with everything feeling a little too bright and my skin feeling just a little too sensitive. I realized that I was unconsciously tensing and releasing my leg muscles with that odd feeling of to it that you get when you stretch in the morning where you get that warm rush through the muscle. And I suddenly was struck with the conviction that it was all my deodorant's fault.

Am I going crazy? Probably no more than normal. Once I was home, I looked up my symptoms on WebMD (nifty toy, that) and came out with a likely explanation of either an allergic reaction or a panic attack. The deodorant comes in under the allergy section of things. When I did The Mystery of Irma Vep, I had to shave my armpits and I switched to nonscented deodorant to reduce the irritation. That's when I found out that I was allergic to some degree to the deodorant. I'd assumed all of my life that everyone itched and got tenderness from applying deodorant, that it was just part of what one had to deal with. I still don't know what triggered all of this, but it does make me feel better to know the reason. Now if only I could stop having this bizarre impulse to do flying capoeira kicks that my body remembers doing (falsely or truly) but I'm not currently conditioned for...